Hot Yoga Hot Mess

Hot Yoga Hot Mess

Well friends, the “run” portion of “Run, Knit, Love” has been slightly derailed. My toe lost a well-fought battle against a rock in our garden. I brought my foot up into it. The rock stayed exactly where it was. My toe broke. The rock seems unscathed.

Although I can’t quite wear shoes yet, I can now stand squarely on both feet, which means that I have been looking for other ways to stay healthy and relieve stress. Enter: Bikram Yoga. For those of you who don’t know about Bikram yoga, it’s yoga done in a very, very hot room – like 105 degrees hot. You do the same set of 26 postures during every 90 minute class.

Like meditating, I’ve always known that yoga is something I should do, but I’ve never been able to get myself motivated to do it consistently. Not with Bikram though. It is hot in there, and sometimes a bit smelly, and also kind of gross, and you are in contact with strangers’ sweat, and, you know, some other things that make it sound horrible. But for reasons I can’t explain, I really like it.

I’m still a beginner though, and am often just trying to survive until the end of class. Here is what’s going through my mind as I try to make it alive to the other side.

  1. Okay, I’m ready to get flexible, centered, and fit. Let’s do this.
  2. It’s a bit warm, but not too bad. Kind of like getting into your car on a warm spring day. Manageable.
  3. Time to stand up. And sit immediately back down. Wow, head rush.
  4. Okay, really standing up this time. Much better.
  5. Should I be this tired after only completing the breathing portion of the class?
  6. When can we lie down?
  7. It is so hot. How is it so hot.
  8. Did I just pee?
  9. Oh no, thank goodness, that was just a massive waterfall of sweat.
  10. Wait, is that better or worse than peeing?
  11. I am hot.
  12. Balancing. Don’t move your eyes, don’t move your eyes, don’t – what’s that? – whoops.
  13. Wow, okay that was awesome. I want to be able to do what she just did.
  14. CAN’T BREATHE. SEND HELP.
  15. Wait, did she just say forehead touch the ground? From a standing position. You want my forehead to touch the ground. Right.
  16. Water. Need. Water.
  17. If I can make it through triangle pose, I can make it to the floor poses.
  18. I can’t make it through triangle pose.
  19. Yes I can.
  20. No I can’t.
  21. I made it.
  22. Can everyone please stop breathing? Just for like five minutes? You are making it so humid!
  23. Gross, he just flung sweat on me.
  24. What she is describing is not humanly possible. How can you possibly balance in a sitting position on the toes of one foot? Is that like an aspirational thing?
  25. Okay, nope, she’s doing that. And so is he. Wow. Okay, I need to keep practicing.
  26. Thank goodness, made it to the floor.
  27. And… cobra. Why did I think the floor was a good thing?
  28. Doesn’t heat rise? How is it possible it’s hotter on the floor.
  29. Is camel pose next?
  30. Thank goodness it’s not camel pose.
  31. This is an impressive amount of sweat coming off me. Have I even had this much water to drink in the past week? Where is it all coming from?
  32. Camel pose?
  33. Okay phew, no.
  34. Camel pose?
  35. Noooooo!
  36. Damn you, camel, and all that you stand for! Damn youuuuu!
  37. Okay, that wasn’t so bad. Made it through to the other side of camel, and now I just need to avoid my neighbor’s continuous streams of sweat for the next ten minutes.
  38. It’s not so bad in here really. Just like a really warm and humid summer day.
  39. That was awesome. When can I do it again?